everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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