90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
