I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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