the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
