I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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