It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
