i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
