i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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