i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
