I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize