If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
