I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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