I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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