Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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