the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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