UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
