I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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