Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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