We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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