"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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