Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
