you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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