would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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