Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
