We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
