I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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