JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
