i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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