I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
