oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize