So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
