Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
