TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
