so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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