her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize