Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
