I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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