Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
