so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
