Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize