This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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