he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize