Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
