There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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