just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
