isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
