Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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