Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just cut my nipple shaving
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
