i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
