Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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