I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
