Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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