in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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