i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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