If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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