that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
