just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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