The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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