fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
