Will you blow on my dice?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
