Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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