Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
no, he came in my armpit
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
