Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
