Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
