dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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