I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
