is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
