Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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