Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Bring me that man meat
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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