I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A bitchslap is in order.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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