Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
