if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
