My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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