my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
