I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
