piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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