we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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