Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
