I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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