I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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