beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
