Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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