I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize