She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
