why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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