He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize