If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
