i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
