genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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