i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
