Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
