My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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