They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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