I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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