When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
