I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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