Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
