how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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