I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize