You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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