The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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