**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
