just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
