remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
