First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
