You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
