She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
