maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
